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wants   
04:38pm 17/03/2009
 
mood: peaceful
It hit me that I want my life to be more like this.

And as long as I have you its going to be ok.

I want to remember this feeling.		  
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YOU   
09:59pm 24/02/2009
 
mood: amused
should add my boyfriend on this thing. "mlschipper" (minus the quotes)

He's a writer.

Effing good stuff. :)

Love,

Melanie

PS DO IT!!!!!!!!!		  
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10 weeks later....   
10:22pm 25/01/2009
 
mood: mellow
So things are wayyyyy good.

I have a fantastic boyfriend who I feel like for the first time could potentially be someone with whom I could actually be happy with...forever.

School is meh...kinda not feeling it this semester. at all.

I finally feel right though.

....just a skinny white boy.

:)

Melanie		  
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Chilled   
04:37pm 11/11/2008
 
mood: cold
music: Snow Patrol
I have been having these urges lately to just write. Do nothing but write. Too bad i have to go to class...lol.

I have a test tonight that i am oddly calm about. weird.

I effing hate that the college of ed messed up call #s for registration. its been a week!

If i can make it through this week and next I will be so incredibly happy.

:)		  
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infinite   
09:30pm 03/11/2008
 
mood: chipper
I like him so much. my heart seriously jumps in my chest. lol.

everything else is good. except that some people are horrible and say things that can seriously take a toll on you.

but its ok.

I am getting so excited about the holidays. :)

and spring awakening.

Damn. lol.		  
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So Lay Down....   
09:59pm 26/10/2008
 
mood: rushed
This week is going to be hella busy and stressful. But if I can make it through, its just going to make me a better person.

Went to see High School Musical 3 today. So super cute and really amazing when you think about it.

I feel like time is flying by, but at the same time I feel so uneasy at its quickness.

I was so not productive yesterday because I was sick, and i definitely made up for it today.

So much stuff to do. And i just really want a break. Thanksgiving is going to be so nice.

I wish I had more money sometimes. Not like a lot, but just enough to do certain things.

I am going to start listening to Christmas music soon. yay.

Cough drops rock. :)		  
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10:34pm 09/10/2008
  2 years ago....

Thats where I was.

And now i am here.		  
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Infinite   
10:35pm 06/10/2008
 
mood: lonely
I just got to the part in Eclipse where Bella kisses jacob for motivation that he comes back, and i am dying!

I seriously love these books but they make me feel sooo lonely. and terrified that I will never feel that way about someone. Even the way she loves jacob. God. I love people like that but they don't love me the same way.

I miss having someone in my life that I could just look at and talk to and they would calm down. Damn it.

Sometimes I just miss the touch.

but not him. nope. Now i really want to find someone who will make me feel like Bella does with edward. or jacob. I am not picky. :)

Is he real? or merely fiction?		  
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The good and bad   
03:27pm 01/10/2008
 
mood: optimistic
This week has been good so far. I think it has a lot to do with attitude. Teaching is going well. I am really starting to feel that once i make it into the real world i won't be swallowed alive.

In the not so great news, one of my really good friends might need heart surgery. She is 22 and was put on the same prescription as her dad for high blood pressure. Except she is taking 3 times his dosage. She is afraid and I am scared for her.

Things are going well on my floor. I had a girl move in that i have yet to meet. LOL.

I think i am going to go buy a magazine to have something meaningless to read...lol.

Mucho love.

Melanie		  
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Congestion   
10:51pm 29/09/2008
 
mood: lethargic
As I feel physically congested, I feel more emotionally clear and free.

This week is going to be good, no matter what happens, I am going to make it good.

I am reading Eclipse and its going by so fast...boo.! can't wait to read breaking dawn. :)

Bridget jones doesn't really relate to me anymore.lol. sad.

Some random guy added me on facebook and he just looked like a creeper.

Hogwarts door decs have gone over well so far! woot.

fun times.

Also, I went to church that openly accepts GLBT communities. It was really interesting. :)

Damien Rice songs are in my head, and I am not complaining.

OH! and I am watching "O" for my drama class....whoa. very interesting. lol.

Always <3		  
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decisions in silence   
10:47am 25/09/2008
 
mood: uncomfortable
This week has not been my best ever.

Along with feeling as though the 4.0 is nothing more but an illusion of the past, I found out today that my ex boyfriend might become a daddy.

I am amazed by how much this news hurts me, but in retrospect I feel like I really am better off and thankful that it wasn't me.

I am trying really hard to fulfill my life in every aspect and am sometimes successful.

I just feel like everything i have done is ending, just for something else to begin...

Its just good to know that people are there for me to catch me when i fall.		  
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Completion   
06:41pm 22/09/2008
 
mood: restless
UGH! so today i burned my tongue on coffee. :( and now i am wired so i feel anxious and i feel like i need to do something.

Last night I was talking to joe, and I realized that I will never be able to be whole again. I feel like freaking voldemort leaving horcruxes all over my life, but no one is being my harry potter and collecting them.

I am on a music trip right now. I feel like i am on the search for the song that will change my life. and i have no idea where to start.

"Well maybe, you're going to be the one that saves me, and after all you're my wonderwall..."

AGGGHHHHH.

I have so much crap to do this week, and I am really wondering if i am not nervous enough about this semester. I feel like I am going to think i am doing stellar and then at midterms i will see that I am not maintaining the 4.0

Dang it.

Sometimes I feel so lonely that it sickens me.



But, I, as always, have hope :)		  
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Family :)   
10:09pm 20/09/2008
 
mood: bouncy
I loved having my parents come visit for parents weekend. The excitement that my dad had for the football and my mom had for the band made the football game really great.

I always get kinda sad when they leave but I think they are proud of me and what i have become since i have been here. I showed them where i teach and they just were amazed by how "grown up" i am.

I had forgotten how much I loved being behind the wheel.

lol. I love them.

And you as always.

Gaia, if you are reading, i love you!		  
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Everyman   
09:19pm 15/09/2008
 
mood: exanimate
So I am reading the play Everyman and am completely enthralled in the context and visual nature of personified morals.

There is a line in the play that really got me thinking, it says that "If my heart is opened, its the perfect time to let you in" However, in the footnote, in the Medieval term "open" meant "broken"

So i got to thinking about broken hearts and how what this play suggests is that once your heart is really broken, its the perfect time to let good things into your life. My mistakes have always been in trying to find a *person* to fill it, but my heart only really needs good things.

Which I have.

I started feeling like all my complaints have been so petty and that my life isn't nearly as bad as i make it sound sometimes.

I taught my very first small group today at an actual elementary school and I did good. I love the two girls I will be working with.

I have been listening to spring awakening and ingrid michaelson a lot.

Parents come this weekend, and i am so excited to show them my life. :)

Today would have marked a year and a half with sampson...but i know i am better off than i would have been.

Tomorrow should be a good day :)		  
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in the night   
10:08pm 13/09/2008
 
mood: pissed off
Tonight has been awful. Nothing uber dramatic, but i cut my leg in the shower and i sliced off my middle fingernail with the same razor.

The girl working the office must not like go to staff meetings cuz she has STUPID freaking questions. I still hate being on deds with people that ask stupid questions.

I have to work at midnight and i just have this icky feeling about it.

Adam called me today and I didn't want to talk to him. we talked for 3 minutes. lol.

I can't wait to see my parents next weekend.

So much to do this coming week, but still I know it will be better than this past week.

Coldplay lyrics are always on my mind. :)

And i cannot wait to see blindness.		  
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Work that silver magic   
09:07pm 12/09/2008
 
mood: contemplative
Lately I have been inspired by the things of my past.

Not in a bad way, like I hate what has happened, but more like I feel like I know what to do in the future.

I feel like I am being true to myself finally.

I am giving all of myself almost everyday which sometimes exhausts me, but i feel like it will be worth it eventually.

I sometimes feel like a bad person for the things I have done.

Hell hath no fury...;)		  
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holy crap.   
07:51pm 10/09/2008
 
mood: lonely
My life is taking a very interesting direction.

I have definitely had my eyes open to things I have done that are wrong.

I am kicking school's ass.

My job rocks except when people are jerks.

No boys.

well...maybe some.

I wish you knew how sorry i was for the things i did.		  
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02:45pm 28/07/2008
  fun times ahead. :D  
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09:06pm 10/07/2008
  melanie has a boytoy?

ohhhhh man.		  
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updates.   
08:41pm 30/05/2008
  now single.

home for the summer.

working at blockbuster.

apparently now a man hater.

knows the things i messed up on, including all the people i let down.

is aware that things can never be the same.

probably won't be on lj much ever.

<3

me		  
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cute_choir_girl
 
 
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